i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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