well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And then he peed in my hair
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
