so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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