I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
