ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
