Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need a beard to bite.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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