I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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