Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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