Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
