you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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