I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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