8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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