Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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