Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
