totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
