After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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