weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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