I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
