Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
