I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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