i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
