I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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