The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone came in the potted fern
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
