I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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