oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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