i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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