right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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