she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This house was built for laser tag.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
