even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
