Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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