Where did you get a picture of my penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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