I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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