Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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