She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
