Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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