I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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