Me. At least after what I've been through.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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