Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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