Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize