My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
