okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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