Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
