he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
