The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
