I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
