Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
