I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You are a genius and a whore.
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