laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
