I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
