he wants to bone in the snuggie
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
