we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
