he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
