why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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