i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
