Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How external is "for external use only"?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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