It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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