apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize