You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
