I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
