The maid of honor just puked.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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