Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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