My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
