you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
