your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
