Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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