I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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