Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
