its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
