who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
