we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
