Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
